I have been gradually distancing myself from people who make me feel drained. After taking a few weeks off from Facebook, I decided to come back on a limited basis. Using the platform to achieve my vision, rather than to entertain anyone else's musings. I just don't have time to waste on the trivial.

I meant to work on the second edition of my book over the weekend, but I didn't get a chance to. I spent most of my time trying to stay cool and hanging out with family and friends. Lily is spending the week with her dad. He and I decided to alternate weeks with her. So she will be with me next week.

I finally watched Hidden Figures. What an excellent movie. Just the kind of film to inspire me to do great things. Which is what I'm trying to do with Journal Writers, but the meetups are not going as well as I thought they would. No one showed up to the first meetup I arranged at Starbucks. So if this trend continues, I'll just scrap the meetups altogether and create a more individualized approach to helping others with journal writing.

Today I'm mostly focused on getting back into reading books I love and studying about the things that interest me the most like handwriting analysis and creative writing. I have become more introverted, and I feel much better this way.

This past week has been crazy. I started a meetup for Journal Writers twice a week. I still need to print some flyers for that. I also started getting into Second Life as a means to pass the time and possibly make some money. My time management still needs work. I am trying to build a weekly routine and schedule that I can train myself to stick to. Otherwise, my life will simply become more chaotic. Personal relationships have decreased. I'm pretty much a loner these days. Mostly because I feel the need to use solitude to be as creative as I once was. So my time is taken up by reading, writing, working at the office, researching, working on personal projects, and being with Lily. I like having a quiet life. I prefer the peace.

I ordered a new Moleskine yesterday to start journal writing with new intentions. I am actually hoping to only write in Moleskines from now on. I currently don't have the internet at home, so I ordered service this week as well. I just don't like having to go to cafes or hotspots everytime I need to connect. Lily prefers it too.

I decided to dive back into spiritual pursuits. I've been reading books in my collection that I have hesitated to read in the past.  Mostly because they dive so deeply into spiritual matters that grip the heart. I feel the need to read the Bible more too. I started reading it cover to cover. I left off somewhere in Ecclesiastes. I'm working on some new goals. I discovered that I need help with OCD and anger management. The two main issues keeping me from enjoying life to the fullest right now. I don't see my therapist this week, so I'll have much to share next week when I finally do have a session. I'm working on my second edition of This I Believe gradually. Still tinkering with the layout of content. Work has slowed down after a few of our guys quit. I hope things pick back up again soon.

Lily got her name and 'Chemist' title labeled on her lab coat finally. She was happy about that and tried to make slime using her chemistry set but was barely able to through trial and error. She was sad that her glass mixer broke as well. I may have a hard time replacing it.

The past couple of days have been a little chaotic, but interesting. Very eventful to say the least. On Monday Lily spent the day at her grandma's house with her dad since she did not have to go to school. I went to work as usual. John picked me up from work because I was having severe stomach pains. He dropped me off at home just in time to give Lily dinner and a bath after Brisa picked her up. Once she was asleep, I went back out to see John. I tagged along to a car repair he needed to do on the other side of town. Where one of the guys that were hanging out nearby decided to hit on me. It was kind of weird for me. I guess because he was so direct about his approach. When John finished up for the night, he took me back home.

Yesterday was Lily's first day of school back at BGE. Our morning went smooth, but not so well after I dropped her off. It was my day off, but I had several appointments to attend. I was still having severe stomach pains since Friday, so I went to the doctor to get it checked out. They couldn't see me in the morning, so the nurses went to lunch, and I got an appointment for the afternoon. John picked me up and took me home. I got my stuff for the rest of the day and started walking over to my therapy clinic. I saw John on the way, and he decided to take me instead. I saw my nurse practitioner for my Depakote refills. He said I was looking much, much better and brighter than the last time I saw him, which was a month ago. He was very happy about the results of me decided to go on medication and to hear how well things are going for me. Then I saw my therapist right after and ended the session early to get to my doctor appointment on time. John picked me up and took me. I saw the doctor, who diagnosed me with food poisoning. It had to have been pretty bad to last so long. She recommended more fluids and prescribed meds for the symptoms. John picked me up from the doctor's office and we went back to the same place we were last night because there were some additional repairs needed. John was frustrated that the customer did not pay him though. He felt he needed to wait until he was done with everything. We stopped by his mom's house nearby and were hoping to have some enchiladas that John was going to make, but we were crunched for time and didn't get an opportunity to. So I went back home to give Lily her dinner and bath before putting her to bed. Unfortunately, she and her aunt didn't get along very well, so I made arrangements for her dad to pick her up from school today instead of anyone from my family to prevent Lily from feeling as bad as she did yesterday. It just sucks that most of the time I am unable to pick up Lily from school. I thought my family would be more supportive, but they are proving to be undependable. I didn't want to have to, but now I must rely on her dad for support with Lily. At least until I find a suitable babysitter. I went to sleep next to Lily because she felt a little scared. I woke up a little later when John called to say good night.

Yesterday was hectic because of the time scheduling of everything between Lily and I. Her school calling me because her stomach was hurting gave me a bit of anxiety because there just was not much I could do about it at the time. I was stuck. So I talked to Lily on the phone and told her that if she didn't want to go to the doctor's office, she had to stay in school. She decided to remain in school and was able to get through her day. I decided that because of the craziness of yesterday, I'm going to set some more boundaries and rules about my time and attention availability for anyone or anything besides Lily and work. I can't be stressing out. Especially now. I shared with my therapist how I am learning what it means to have healthy relationships and how to maintain them. It has made me aware of how many unhealthy relationships I have had and needed to end. I am still working on it. Things are looking better for me though. I am looking forward to getting healthier and happier.

Yesterday I met up with John before meeting up with Violet. He took off to work in another city. I would have gone with him if I didn't already have plans. He thought I was too dressed up and cute to leave, but I reassured him that I felt the need to look appropriate for the area we would be hanging out in - Hollywood. He suggested that I let down my hair so that I would look more attractive to guys when I went over there. An odd suggestion coming from him, but I took it and let down my hair later in the day. Violet picked me up, and we went to a cute boutique in Hollywood where they sell all kinds of Japanese art stuff like Hello Kitty and Pokemon and Sailor Moon merchandise. It was pretty cool. I ended up getting some fresh ideas for things that I want to do with art, and I bought some cute things for Lily since she loves Hello Kitty. Then we ran some errands around town before we arrived at a Nicaraguan restaurant, where she introduced me to a Nicaraguan feast of food I had never tried before. It was incredible. I ate more than expected, but still not much compared to how I used to eat.

Throughout my time with Violet, I got contacted by John several times. He was missing me and making sure that I was okay. Kenny hit me up too, but he wanted to respect my time with Violet since I had not seen her in several years. I disappeared from Violet and Kenny around the same time. They have both come back into my life unexpectedly, but I'm jubilant about it. I feel like there has been a need for their friendships, especially now, to remind me of who I am and where I actually come from. Kenny decided to wait for me to call him back, but I never got a chance to. I hung out with Violet longer than I thought I would. We were just having too much fun. Eventually, I met up with John again. We got his mom a small birthday cake from his favorite bakery. While we were at the bakery, a woman we mutually know was practically begging the baker to please give her more credit for getting baked goods. She was homeless and hungry. I saw her the previous day washing windows for a business to earn some money. So I went over and gave her enough money to pay her debt and get more to eat. I was humbled by her response. She was very grateful, but I was just happy to help. There are very few homeless people around here that I help out that much, but it's so worth it. Especially when I see them doing better.

We went to John's parents' house and shared the cake with his mom. It was the first time I had ever seen John express deep affection for her. He was quite endearing. It was also the first time she had called me by my name. What was interesting about hanging out with John yesterday was that out of nowhere he started talking to me about fighting and combat techniques to teach me how to defend myself. Stuff that is way different than anything I have ever heard. I found it fascinating and learned a lot. Even he questioned why he was telling me everything he did. Somehow I was meant to learn it. We agreed that martial arts are useless in real fights for practical reasons. I was also reminded of the feeling I would get when Franco would sit with me and talk about his adventures in black ops and things like that. We talked with his mom about John's childhood as a scout and how his mom didn't sign for him to enlist in the military as a teen. He seemed to think that I didn't believe all the things he told me he did or was or had when he was younger. So he had his mom confirm everything. It was funny.

I reminisced a lot with Violet about our old times together. It was nice to spend some time with her and remember things like giving her my manuscript to 'This I Believe' so long ago and talking about the idea of forming my writings into a book. I gave her a signed copy at the restaurant. She's very proud of me. I was just happy to see that we both have come such a long way from where we were years ago.

Lily spent the night at her cousin's house on Friday to go with them to a party at John's Incredible Pizza on Saturday. When she came home from the party, she went with her dad to spend the night there. She'll be coming home tonight to prepare for her first day back at BGE tomorrow. Co-parenting with Miguel for Lily is working out so far. With mediation coming up this week, I don't expect for there to be many surprises. I reassured John about where I stand with Miguel. He has continued to reassure me of where he stands with his own ex. I have noticed that John seems more sure of himself and confident now that he feels better about his hope to get out of the hole he is in. So I'm as supportive as possible. I was able to touch bases with Jose after he seemed to go MIA on Saturday. He ended up feeling really sick and couldn't contact me. So I understood. I'm just glad it wasn't something more serious or even drama-related.

I'm still in the process of transitioning from being with one group of people to reacquainting myself with another group of individuals in my life. I feel like I'm moving forward, but need to cut a few more ties that are holding me back. There are simply some people who don't align with my real goals, nature, and intentions. I'm not a friend collector. I would rather have people in my life that serve as much a purpose with me as I do with them. Otherwise, the relationship feels rather pointless. As I am learning about boundaries from my sessions in therapy and adapting to my medication for anxiety disorder, I feel more stable and thus capable of forming and maintaining healthy relationships.